This is a time for you to reconnect with each other. Remember dating? Remember going to movies, or a restaurant, or a concert? This is time that you can do those things again. The feeling of being alive and in love needs to be rekindled, especially after having kids. My husband and I are blessed to enjoy date nights more than most people we know. We have family close by and a great group of friends that are there to support us and our marriage. Now that we are no longer trying to just be with each other like we were when we were dating, we don’t go see movies anymore. We do not like the same genres and we spend more time trying to find a movie we BOTH want to see. I’m more of a romantic comedy and drama kind of girl and he’s more of an action or sci fi kind of dude. We would both rather sit and talk all night than see a movie that the other person would not enjoy. Sometimes, we just sit at home and browse through Netflix for a few hours and before we joke about how we have nothing in common.
Remember staying up all night talking about your dreams, what your life will be like, and the types of careers you would have? All that should continue after you have kids. We love talking about our dream house or what we would do if we made more money. Or where we feel the Lord is leading us in our careers. We’ve even gone as far as designing our dream kitchen and add on’s we think might be doable for our current house. He’s helped me come up with ideas for my doula/child birth education business and where we project we will be in the next 5 years. Neither of us have taken our college degrees to where we thought they would be and we love to go back and look at what our dreams used to be 10 years ago.
I don’t know about you, but we have a hard time relaxing when our kids are around. And I don’t mean just when they are awake. Our kids are still up randomly throughout the night and so even when we have “downtime” after bedtime, we are still kind of on edge wondering when/who the next kid will be up. When we get away for the night or weekend, we have peace knowing they are well taken care of, having fun, and are being loved on. We can sit back, relax and enjoy the peace and quiet. It’s a totally different relax when your kids aren’t around. And the sleeping! Let’s talk about the sleeping! There’s something amazing about getting 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep. That doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s glorious.
When we take drives to get to our destination, we usually ask funny, random questions about each other. Every few months, we will ask “Tell me one thing that I don’t know about you”. Because we are very open with each other, this usually requires some thought. A lot of times, it’s a deep secret that nobody knows and then we have reached a level of intimacy that wasn’t there before. Sometimes, we take “Which character are you” type of quizzes and those usually are pretty fun. There are tons of resources on the internet for “Date night questions” and it helps the driving time pass quickly. This past weekend, Nuge and I went to a bed and breakfast in Oklahoma and we switched off reading Harry Potter and The Bible the whole weekend.
What ways do you try to keep the connection alive?